our queer elders
rachel carson
“But, oh darling, I want to be with you so terribly that it hurts!”
—r.c. to d.f., in a letter dated 20 feb 1954
rachel carson, photograph by alfred eisenstaedt
her words brought the wonder of the natural world around us to the masses. often credited with spearheading environmentalism through her book, silent spring, rachel carson (1907-1964) was a writer and biologist. she first met dorothy freeman (1898-1978) in 1953, when the two were neighbors on southport island, maine. rachel and dorothy wrote hundreds of letters to each other until rachel’s death in 1964. while some scholars insist their relationship was strictly platonic, shortly before rachel’s death, she and dorothy destroyed hundreds of letters. the remaining ones tell of a whirlwind romance, the two sharing their writing, discussing their latest tide pool finds, and planning their next visit to one another. rachel wrote to dorothy in 1953, “yes, we were a little shy, weren’t we, especially at first—but it was rather sweet that way and perhaps as it should have been for the first time you and I were together!”
about the song
dorothy freeman and rachel carson, photograph by stanley freeman
rachel and dorothy would often include two letters in one envelope—one to be read to family and one to be kept privately, “in the strongbox.” in the surviving letters, the two would talk of the hours they’d shared together and called the first time they met after starting correspondence “the thirteen hours.” rachel and dorothy also described moments of serendipity in their relationship as “stardust.”
the chorus of this song is based on a poem that rachel and dorothy shared on their first overnight visit and recalled frequently, peace by sara teasdale.
the strongbox, as recorded for artslight, a production of lower cape tv
the strongbox
this one's for the strongbox
you've got me weak as water
just like the tidepools you draw me in
but speaking of tight locks
I'm writing after thirteen hours
can't stop thinking about what we did
I'm the pool of gold where the sunset burns and dies
you're my deepening skies
the stardust around us comes as no surprise
how will there ever be enough time
I'm in the train car
stomach all aflutter
a monarch drawn by an invisible force
from Southport to Boston
where I'll see you for a hundred hours
I want to be with you so bad it hurts
I'm the pool of gold where the sunset burns and dies
you're my deepening skies
the stardust around us comes as no surprise
how will there ever be enough time
will they study us in cosmology
a love written before sentience
did you float with me in Cambrian seas
spineless and shifting far before
the bombs and DDT
I'm the pool of gold where the sunset burns and dies
you're my deepening skies
my days are numbered, this comes as no surprise
to you I dedicate my last line
k.a.castagno 2022
recommended reading
always, rachel: the letters of rachel carson and dorothy freeman, 1952-1964, edited by martha freeman. published 1995.
the monarchs, music, and the meaning of life: the most touching deathbed love letter ever written by maria popova. published 2017.
—also see figuring by maria popova, published 2020.
the right way to remember rachel carson by jill lepore. the new yorker. published 2018.